I know it’s a bit late to say this but the most celebrated time of the year has just passed... Christmas and New Year! For those whom I have not wished yet a very happy new year!!
As always on the Christmas Eve I had layout my plans. Watch TV, have dinner, watch some ..uh.. videos in my PC and go to sleep. My way of contributing to world peace. Don't do anything!! But then the phone rang and from the other side came rather an excited voice of S.H! The excitement came from the prospect of luring me into their plan. It was simple! I just have to write down my wishes in a piece of paper and keep it under the pillow (for Santa Clause to read) and read the wishes to each other next day. Simple I thought! Nothing came on my mind to write but I managed somehow.
and the next day came and before I woke up I got the call from S.H again!! I have no idea why holds a grudge against my sleep! Anyway I told her my wishes (getting good job, not flunking... the usual stuff) and I heard hers. They were better than mine of course... And one of them even included me!! Her wish was I would stop drinking... (I wonder cough syrups are allowed?)
Is that the only thing she could think for me??! It’s not like I excel in other fields or any for that matter... then why? I didn't push it. To make thing clear I don't drink... that much! OK once in a while, socially. But not in quantity that makes me do stuff I have seen people do. I mean it’s actually amazing how much people can change!
So I am sharing the following true stories that I made up. (This might take a while so it would be better if you take you super ultra strong coffee to sit through it or if you want to co relate you can have anything of your choice...)
Act 1
Shivaji put his glass on the table after the bottoms up. Everyone had already lost the count. But it was clear that he was the one leading in number. It was his party anyway. Asoka was next in line. But he was matching intake with outflow. But that didn't help much; the steps still seemed to be made by a person who used clay as ruler. Ti was calm as usual. Not loosing sanity in to the bottled beast! Chandragupta was also feeling the effect by now. Akbar and Tipu were the least affected. Tipu having not touched anything and the quantity seemed meaningless for Akbar’s size... The effect was starting to show on the almost all of them. After the bill was paid (in guidance of the sober ones) everybody hit the loo. It is now confirmed that the guys can still aim even when they can’t stand. Asoka passed out in the garden as soon as they got out!! Akbar’s helped him to move him to better place... to pass out! Shivaji has entered his running spree. Akbar, Chandragupta and Tipu were like spectators in a tennis match... Of course the match was in slow motion with the hands closely following the head in a path that can’t be described mathematically.
It was quite obvious now that Shivaji was S.D.T.H.W.P.O.T.F.T.O.A.C.W.D.S.I (read as “so drunk that he would piss on the fuel tank of a car with driver still inside”)!!! Rest of guys thought that he was bluffing. It wasn’t till Shivaji actually reached the car that they realized what great mistake was to underestimate the determination of drunken bladder!! Now they had to act fast. They knew going for Shivaji is dangerous as he was already entering into final stages of his action and commotion there would not help. It was decided then that the attention of the driver has to diverted... but how?! Tipu and Chandragupta took it on themselves as they went in front of the car and started dancing…..
Act 2
The party was on full swing in a very small room for 1 in a hostel not so far far away with 20 people inside. Even moving an elbow required precision of a surgeon doing a heart surgery while on fire in an earthquake… But still not a single drop was ever spilled over!! But one by one people needed to return to their own rooms. Duryodhanan was one of the first to leave considering his condition. When he stood up to leave everybody had doubt whether he would be able to reach his room at all. There had been rumors of a guy seen wandering around the campus in the middle of the night alone on his bicycle after having some drinks and when asked he didn’t knew anything. It was apparent that he couldn’t be left alone to operate heavy machineries on his own… like lift! Dussaasanan went after him just in case although his own balancing capability was not 100%. By the time he caught up to Duryodhanan, he was already waiting for the lift to arrive, pressing the button repeatedly with utmost focus! It took few seconds for Dussaasanan to realize that the lift was already there. But Duryodhanan was still at the calling button…
“What are you doing?” Dussaasanan asked confused.
“I need to go down…” Duryodhanan replied still continuing at the switch.
“Lift is here. Get inside!”
“I need to go down!”
“Then get inside the lift!”
“I need to go down!”
Dussaasanan knew at this point that is simply waste of time to talk and grabbed Duryodhanan and dragged him inside the lift. As always with the sensitive equipment with constant abuse by the students over the years the doors never closed in one go. It first had trial closing then another one and then another one until the guys who took the stairs could go run a marathon and return.
“I need to go down!” Duryodhanan said and came out of the lift and went at the switch again…
Act 3
“Dude, the bill is Rs. 9000!!!” Apollo said to almost passed out Zeus.
“Huh… #@$%*!” Zeus mumbled.
“Are you listening?”
“Peace!” said Ares barely lifting his head from the table.
“&$@#*!” Zeus muttered.
“Bill! 9000! YOUR TREAT!!!”
“ATM… my ATM!” Zeus said trying to stand up putting his hands in his back pocket trying to take out his wallet.
Apollo looked around. No one was in any condition except Dionysus! He couldn’t just allow Zeus to go out to ATM all on his own.
ATM was pretty deserted at that time and so Apollo was thankful that he didn’t need to wait outside with Zeus in that condition. He went inside with Zeus and waited for him to take the money out.
To his surprise Zeus took out a Rs.500 note and started trying to put it in the ATM slot!!
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Apollo screamed as he snatched the note from Zeus’s hand and put it back in his wallet.
“I am getting the money into the ATM!” Zeus replied matter of factly as he took out another note and continued the attempt.
“Stop it!” Apollo screamed again and put the second note also back in Zeus’s wallet. “We are here to get the money not put it back!”
“I know!” replied Zeus, “I have a plastic bag. We can put the money in the bag and then insert it into the machine!” and he started searching for the bag.
“I don’t even know what you are saying anymore.” Said Apollo giving up, “I’ll pay for now. Pay me back later”
With a bit of persuasion Apollo was able to convince Zeus to drop his ideas and return with him to rest of the gang. After paying the bill they left and as their home was not too far and it was late to get any ride so they decided to walk. Well almost all them. For some reason yet unknown to sane human mind Zeus started to run. And he ran like the hero in Bollywood movies running in a open field in the middle of nowhere to get to his heroine in slow motion. Everybody else just didn’t think that running after him was worth it so they let him be.
When they reached their room they saw Zeus looking everywhere in the middle of the road.
“What happened?” Dionysus asked.
“I lost my wallet!” Zeus replied worriedly still searching.
“You shouldn’t have ran like that all the way here.” Harems said.
“I’ll go look if I dropped on the way!” Zeus said and again took off in the direction they came from.
He went all the way to the restaurant not able to find his wallet.
45 minutes later…
“He hasn’t come back yet!” Apollo said worriedly as he checked his watch again. “Maybe we should go check for him.”
So he and Dionysus left in search of Zeus.
“Jackasses!!” Zeus mumble to himself sitting on the corner of the road outside his room as he saw Dionysus and Apollo leave to search for him!!
P.S: The wallet was never found which led to another story but now is not the right time to go into that.
Moral of the stories:
1. Never get S.D.T.H.W.P.O.T.F.T.O.A.C.W.D.S unless you have friends who can dance.
2. Should always opt for hostel with good working lift.
3. ATM machines does not accept money even if you wrap them in plastic bags.
And most importantly if everybody else is drunk except you… you are royally screwed!!!!
